


Memento Mori

by NotSoHotsuin



Category: Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-14 17:39:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13595064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSoHotsuin/pseuds/NotSoHotsuin
Summary: (Butler AU)Daichi was raised to please the heir of the estate no matter what, and Hibiki was raised to take his place as heir and uphold his family status.Both those things were supposed to happen in due time.





	1. Stagnant

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a one-shot but it became a bit too long, so I'm spreading it out into 3 chapters. Enjoy!

When the master of the house demanded there be freshly baked chocolate chip brioche rolls at the table with a citrus-honey coated tropical fruit salad to the side by eight in the morning, Daichi was up two hours earlier, ready to head to their local fruit vendor for the ingredients if necessary. Mornings were restricted to a sharp ten minute routine to save time; Five minutes to undress, wash his face, and slick his hair back so his bangs did not obscure his vision, and five more to pick his suit and get dressed for whatever duty he had to take care of first.

If he knew he had to head outside, he put on simple black trousers, a gray sweater vest, and set his morning suit aside for when it was time to begin making preparations in the kitchen. It was not unusual for him to find himself flipping through the shopping list with nothing new to buy. The master of the estate rarely left notes most nights, but a good domestic was always one step ahead. It was easy to memorize so much pointless information and return to the kitchen with two full bags when he loved his job as much as he did. It might have been the person behind his job that he cared for more than his duties, but he was born to serve the Kuze family much like his father, and his father’s father, so he was a tad biased. He set the plastic bags on the counter, and began sorting the items.   
  
Kalamata olives, chosen specifically because of their delightful ripeness and smoky texture, because his master could not stand green olives, or regular black olives for that matter. Thin, dark chocolate with roughly around 60% cocoa, because anything below it was too watered down, and anything above it was far too bitter to be classified as chocolate. With so many different variations of Kiwi, being aware of where they were grown, under what climate, and whether or not it would please his master to go for a different variety when his preferred hardy kiwis were out of stock, he used his intuition and selected what he thought to be most suitable as a substitute. Having to drive to the other side of Tokyo just for Abacaxi should have been a chore, but it allowed him to make a detour to one of his favorite comic book shops. He never said anything to his master about it, even if it would probably have been completely fine as long as he still performed his duties on time. It was not the sort of actions one would expect to see from a really good domestic, so he kept his lips sealed. 

The next coming hour was spent restocking the pantry, making sure the dishes and cutlery was slid into the appropriate drawers, and that the dryer had completed its job overnight so that he could iron the clothes before hooking them on the coat hangers in Hibiki’s closet. Naturally, he checked the fabric for wear and tear before neatly tucking it away, so that the 18 karat gold cufflinks saw no chance to slip off the sleeves. He removed all the accessories before putting the clothes in the wash. He then focused on putting the gold and silver into their given black boxes. It was a rhythmical process that left him humming in a comfortable silence. Back when he was younger, he used to wonder who in their right mind needed a custom engraved tie clip worth 20 000 yen with a diamond border. Now, he was comfortable around the luxurious items, and was gradually conditioned to see it as normal. There was no longer any fear of breaking any china, slipping and knocking over crystal, but there was still a fear he was never going to get rid of no matter how long he performed his duties to pixel perfect accuracy, and it was the time crunch. Being one single servant, he had to take care of various duties, and it often wore him out.   
  
Most heirs hired several servants around the house, but Hibiki only ever needed one. It felt safer around the house that way, too. Daichi did not trust anyone to handle the keys to the wine cellar, or the keys to the estate for that matter. Not even Hibiki had the keys to the estate. Aside from crawling out of bed every once in a while, Hibiki never even left his room, let alone, the estate. The only times he seemed even remotely alert was during mornings, which somehow always started at eight o'clock, sharp. No matter Hibiki’s sleeping schedule, he always got up in time for tea and fruits.   
  
“Good morning, Master.” A figure clothed in soft, white silk shyly dragged its way into the kitchen while Daichi was focusing all his energy on polishing silver. The drastic contrast between the smooth softness of the fabric and the ruffled darkness of Hibiki’s hair painted an amusing sight. If the image had not been so common and saddening, it might have been seen as charming.   
“Mmmmmorn’.”    
“Really? Morn? You don’t even bother to finish words anymore. Is that where we’re at?”   
“Do you really have the right to criticize me when you end sentences with AT?” Hibiki propped himself up on the bar stool and leaned over the polished counter to rest his head in his palms. Sleeping only three to four hours was bound to get his master sick eventually, but no matter how many times he told him that, he persisted in getting up on time. Daichi cocked his head slightly as he polished the silver, and his eyes momentarily traveled from Hibiki’s worn out posture, to the shiny metal reflecting in the kitchen lights, fully apathetic.   
  
“Are you feeling better?” Hibiki grumbled and began rubbing his forehead soothingly, which was Daichi’s cue to whip up a cure.   
“Do you want me to make you some-”   
“Was I up late last night?” Hibiki didn’t remember. Hibiki never seemed to remember. It had been some time since Hibiki used his own wits to dredge up fragments of a person that still cared about their wellbeing. It was just too much stress for him, so Daichi was instructed to take over. Not to take over the household, or the bills, but to manage his memories for him.   
  
“You called in two women to your room at twelve thirty, and didn’t come out of your room until three AM. I called a cab, and gave them some pocket money so they could get home safely after that.”    
“God, no, not again…” It happened so frequently nowadays that it was practically norm.   
“Well,” Daichi opened his mouth, but closed it shortly after mulling over his reply. “-it’s fine. You’ve done and said worse things under the influence of alcohol.”   
“What did I say to you this time…” A small smile tugged at the corner of Daichi’s cheek. A smile that, although bittersweet, showed itself because he knew Hibiki better than to assume he spoke honestly when intoxicated.    
  
“I think it was something like ‘get the fuck out of my estate’. Not your worst day.”   
“I’m sorry…” There was remorse in Hibiki’s voice, a shaky waver as if he was on the verge of tears. As much as it tore into Daichi to hear him so distraught, it was not the first time he heard the same sob story.   
“Yeah, I’d believe that a little easier if you stopped drinking...” Hibiki let one of his arms fall to the counter, while the other continued to rub his frontal lobe, running his fingers over his scalp impatiently, almost like claws. When Daichi caught a glimpse of him, a rare instance where their eyes met only for a moment, he looked away not to be caught staring.   
“...How much did you sleep, Daichi? You were up until three AM.”   
“Four.”   
“Four?”   
“You didn’t fall asleep until four fortyfive.”   
“You’ve only slept one hour?”   
“I’m not really tired.” Taking care of Hibiki and making sure he managed to fall asleep was always going to be his priority.   
“...I’m sorry.” He said that already. So many times. Daichi cleared his throat, and reached out for the kettle to ask the delayed question he always asked every morning.   
“Tea?”   
“I wish tea could fix everything…” He lowered the kettle softly, and licked his lips to help the words come out a little smoother. Hibiki got out of his seat without a second glance at the breakfast preparations that were made. That was fine, too. It was practically a different norm.   
“Is there… anything I can do?”   
“Bring my parents back to life and I’ll give you a huge bonus.” Even if Daichi had something he wanted to say to help Hibiki feel less miserable, he was certain it would not sound good coming out of his mouth. In the end, all he could do was watch him leave the kitchen, thus concluding his morning routine.   
  


* * *

 

A black tail-coat, a white shirt with a wing collar, and a sleek gray necktie rested over his chair, ready for his routine now that shopping was taken care of the day prior. He put on his shoes, and slipped into his white gloves to complete his morning suit. With the spare minutes he had left after dressing up, he leaned closer to the mirror to adjust his tie correctly. He was still unsure of how to manage everything in the estate on his own, but everything had moved along smoothly so far. The key was simply not to break the routine, even at the cost of a little sleep deprivation.    
  
The estate was not cluttered, but the amount of items he had to dust counted in the hundreds. An entire day could be dedicated to polishing silver, dusting, sweeping, and washing clothes, as well as making sure everything was neat around the house in case someone decided to come over for a visit. The chances of someone visiting were smaller now than ever before, and a lively home that once used to be cheerful looked awfully bleak.    
  
When he moved the pillows to clean the couch, he caught the faint glimpse of the Kuze family portrait. There was a part that had been exposed underneath the large silk curtain that needed to be readjusted. He rested his knee on the couch and tried to move the silk back into place, only to pause before he touched it. He scanned the decorative frame, the curves and color of shiny redwood, running his fingers over the leaves in the pattern. When he accidentally pushed the silk far enough to see the colors of the painting, he turned his head to look behind his shoulder. It was a safety precaution, in case the only other person that didn’t want to see what was beneath the silk happened to catch him slipping out of one glove to pull it off the framed painting.   
  
The sound of fabric sliding against wood seemed only so much louder when there were no footsteps, no ticking of clocks, and no one calling his name to ask if he could bring them another drink. It felt like someone else’s reality at this point. Like he had grown up watching someone else tend to the Kuze’s family’s needs while he was an observer from the outside. In so many ways than one, he felt inferior to his father. It was never his choice to continue working for this family, but his father had promised him that the Kuze familyline were people of their word, and that they would help secure a future of leisure for him. Looking up at this painting now gave him that impression. His father was not wrong. The Kuze family had treated them fairly, and never once demanded they carry more than they could handle. They were fair and kind. It was why Daichi wanted to stay by Hibiki’s side as his support.   
  
He ran his fingers over the little dents and bumps in the oil painting. It must have cost a fortune, but what good was it when no one got to see it? In the picture was Hibiki’s father, the man of the estate, his wife, the woman of the estate, and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips when he reached the heir. Right next to Hibiki was a boy with his arm draped over his shoulder, and behind him was a man with both hands behind his back. He couldn’t help grinning. It wasn’t often that the help was included in such expensive work. Usually, families only ever included blood relatives, but he still remembered the day Hibiki’s father had asked them why they were not joining. They were supposed to take a photo for the artist to go by, but right before shooting, Hibiki’s father asked his father to join them. During it all, he could vividly remember Hibiki running over to his side to pull him towards the cameras. He remembered asking if it was okay for servants to join something this luxurious. Either it was naivete, or simple childishness that played a role in what Hibiki said, but he distinctly remembered Hibiki calling him his friend, rather than his servant.   
  
The memory was still fresh, even if it happened so long ago. He had been with the Kuze family for as long as he could remember, and a bump in the road was not going to destroy that comfort. They might have suffered a tragedy, but they could work through it together. He was here for Hibiki no matter what.   
  
“...What are you doing?” He slipped off the couch at the sound of Hibiki’s voice, and rushed to pull himself up, silk still in hand. Hibiki was standing in the open doorway, leaning against the frame. It was noon, but he still wore his morning robe and PJ’s underneath as if it was eight o'clock. Despite there being a significant distance between them, Daichi covered up his face with the silk, and tried not to sound too guilty. This was not his property, even if he had the key to the house. He could not touch whatever he wanted. Especially not if Hibiki exclusively told him to cover it up and forget it even existed.   
  
“I-I-I was j-just, um, I needed to dust and-”   
“Come to my room when you’re done here. Pick up the fruits you prepared yesterday, and the pralines you bought the day before.” That was all he had to say before he turned around and walked away.   
  
“U-Um, wait-” Too late. Being called into Hibiki’s room was not something that happened often anymore. It was something Daichi told himself not to expect, and to stop getting used to. They were not kids anymore. He was not being called up to play. He was called up because he was either not doing his job properly, or because he needed to run an errand. The likelihood of it being an errand shrunk the moment Hibiki left the room. So, Daichi did what was expected of him. After putting the silk back over the painting, hiding it as if it did not deserve to be out in the open, he walked into the kitchen and put the fruit salad onto the tray, along with a small box of luxurious dark pralines with nougat and various other fillings. The thought did cross his mind, but he was not one to judge Hibiki’s thought process.   
  
Why did Hibiki not pick this up by himself if he was already downstairs?   
  
The hallways seemed to go on forever. Even if the owners passed away recently and granted Daichi the keys to every room, there were a lot of places he never visited because the estate was simply that huge. There were still areas that Hibiki had not seen, and even if they now had the liberty to explore everything at their leisure, the tone had completely changed and made it uncalled for. These childish exploration missions they set out on to find out what was behind door number one or door number two came to an end. Now, it was just another unopened door with painful memorabilia behind it. Nothing more, and nothing less.   
  
“I’m coming in.” Daichi tapped his knuckles against the door with the back of his palm, only enough for it to make a little noise. He swallowed his fear, and grabbed the handle to twist it and open the door, revealing a room he barely got to see unless he had to escort people out of it. Hibiki was sitting in his bed with the covers pulled up to his waist, waiting for him. Despite the mess that occured the day prior, and the fact Hibiki did not let him into his room the day after, everything looked cleaner than it usually did. He held his head high, and walked to the bedside to gently set the tray down in Hibiki’s lap.   
  
“Is there anything else you want from me, Master?” Hibiki’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, if only for a moment. Daichi quickly examined the tray, and wondered if he accidentally brought some undesired items along with him. Everything was according to how Hibiki wished it, so the uncomfortable air around them had to be from something else entirely.   
“If that’s everything, I’ll go back downstairs and clean.” It only took as much as a small turn for Hibiki to grab his wrist and keep him grounded.   
“Why are you leaving?”   
“Oh.” He had not expected Hibiki to actually ask a question. He so rarely talked that it came as a surprise. “Oh, um… I figured I’d go clean downstairs.” There was disappointment in Hibiki’s eyes as he softly let his hand slide off Daichi’s wrist. Still, his fingers pinched the fabric of his white shirt, clinging to it in case Daichi decided to head off.   
“The treats you brought,” Daichi’s eyes shifted to the fruits and sweets. Kiwi, pineapple, blueberries, raspberries, all cleaned and peeled in a small bowl with orange juice, accompanied by deluxe pralines of his choice. “-I want you to feed me.”   
  
“...Ha?” It took him a moment. His face scrunched up, and he pulled his arm from Hibiki’s grip to take a step back. Growing up in this household, he was used to getting his fair share of odd requests. If Hibiki wanted him to go buy chocolates in the middle of the night, Daichi made sure to go and get the correct brand in his PJ’s if he had to, no questions asked. If Hibiki wanted him to escort strangers out of his room and clean up the mess they left, he’d do so as well, no questions asked, but this- this demanded at least one question. That was, if he could bring himself to say anything.   
  
“...No. Sorry. I can’t do that.” It crossed a line.   
“Would 50 000 yen change your mind?” It was as if Hibiki expected him to say no. As if he came prepared with a question that would entice him. The proposition in question did nothing but leave him with a bitter taste in his mouth. This was not how it was supposed to end.   
  
“I’m not that kind of… servant.” Making himself out to be the servant of the household was strange. His father usually took the position, and while he taught Daichi everything he knew about the house, he never quite taught him to get used to being referred to as a servant. It was just too fast of a shift.   
  
“I’m not asking you to sleep with me. I’m asking you to feed me.” That Hibiki had to clarify it made his skin crawl. He never assumed.    
“Again, I’m not… that kind of servant.”   
“Is 100 000 enough?”   
“Master, I’m not-”   
“I can go higher, Daichi. Name your price.”   
“Don’t be ridic-”   
“200 000.”   
“Alright, now you’re definitely being ridiculous!”   
“I care less for the money and more for you.” Those words were never uttered before. He was aware that Hibiki cared about him. They grew up together in this household. They played, studied, laughed, but they had not done those things even once since the accident. There was nothing to laugh at anymore. No fun to kill the silence. It forced them to take on two roles they were not prepared to take on just yet, and that came with a lot of mistakes. Daichi believed he needed to do everything he could to please his master, but he questioned his judgement when Hibiki believed that money could solve everything.   


“You’re really not going to drop this?”   
“Name your price.” There was one thing Daichi wanted more than anything else, but it was not something Hibiki could give him in money. He considered turning him down, but when he thought about it, his chest began to ache, and he turned his head to cough and clear his throat.    


“A day off.” The room was practically dead silent.   
“...A day off?” He had a justification ready, in case he actually needed one.   
“I take care of your entire estate on my own. Don’t get the wrong idea, I love working here. If there’s an emergency, I’ll still be here for you, but I’d really like a day to rest for a bit…”   
“Hmmm…” Hibiki smiled warmly, and let his fingers slowly slide the covers off his frame to pat the spot next to his thighs. “-you could start right now.” 

Daichi looked over at Hibiki before lowering his gaze to stare at the floor. The Hibiki that he’d come to love would never be this pushy or persistent when it came to money, or a request. He’d never try to buy his way to things. The idea to bribe him or tempt him with money should never have crossed his mind. Then again, when one inherits so much, so suddenly, it was only natural for them to adapt the mindset of a millionaire. 

Since he already agreed, he sat on the very edge until Hibiki wrapped his hands around his upper-arm to pull him closer. It reminded Daichi of the way Hibiki used to be before the accident. Always comfortable in his presence, never distant. Recently, he started acting a lot more needy. Not that Daichi could experience much of it. All Hibiki seemed focused on was locking himself inside his room.   
  
“You could have asked for literally anything, you know.” Daichi took the tray in hand, and began with the fruit cup, scooping some kiwi and pineapple onto the spoon before looking Hibiki in the eye.   
“I live here. What would I need 200 000 yen for?”   
“Don’t you have things you want to buy?”   
“I have everything I need here.” He brought the spoon up, and watched him part his lips to take the kiwi and pineapple bits into his mouth. It didn’t feel strange, oddly enough, but he hated the fact that he finally gave in to Hibiki’s demands. However, if he worked for another day with only two hours of sleep, he felt like he was going to faint. Hibiki didn’t know because he rarely left his room, but Daichi almost set the entire estate on fire at a point. He was running around in the kitchen making different dishes when he felt dizzy and had to sit down. Sitting down at the table to rest his arms and body only helped him fall asleep in the middle of cooking. Had the fire alarm not went off and stirred him awake, he could have burned both of them to death.

When the pressure in the air seemed to fade, and they moved on to the pralines, Daichi felt the need to ask Hibiki what was long overdue. He did not want to know the answer, but he needed it. He needed to know if this was why Hibiki continued to wave money in his face to get his way when he wasn’t locked up in his own room.  
  
“...Do you blame him?” Hibiki didn’t reply, so Daichi asked him again, much clearer.   
“Do you blame my father?”   
“...You mean because he was the one driving the car?” It was evident on Hibiki’s face that he wanted him to drop the topic. Although, the question seemed to irk him enough to lose his appetite. It was the first time in a long while where Hibiki had consistently held eye contact with him without turning his head and leaving the room. The words came like a knife at full speed. Even if he was prepared for it, he never anticipated such a blunt answer.   
  
“Yes. I blame your father a lot.” It got dark during winter faster. The roads were slippery. The snow made it hard to see. The only reason they did not join their parents at the winter festival was because they wanted to stay home and play a new game that just released. Had they not insisted on staying, everyone would have been wiped out.

“Stop trying to defend your dad. It doesn’t mean I hate you.” He didn’t have to say it. Why did he feel the need to say it?   
“He did everything for your family. He died working for you. Can you… really say you hate him?” Hibiki did not look like he wanted to answer the question. There was bitterness laced in his words. Bitterness, sorrow, and blame that he wanted to pin on someone to feel better. Daichi could understand the sentiment. It was as easy to say that Hibiki’s parents forced his father to drive them to that event as it was to say his father killed them by being a reckless driver.    
  
“I should have been in the car with them.” Hearing Hibiki say it so casually sent shivers down his spine.   
“Don’t say that.”   
“Wouldn’t that have been better for you, too? You could finally leave this place.” As kids, Daichi spoke of leaving the Kuze household. It was a childish dream. The world outside offered many opportunities, and Daichi used to exercise his imagination in what roles he could play if he were to find a job outside the estate. He used to put on performances as a kid, entertaining different jobs all for the sake of laughs. It was nothing more than friendly banter. He never would have left without returning. Not when he committed his life to Hibiki. He let the tray slide to the side, and rested his palm over Hibiki’s, squeezing his hand softly.   
“I’m happy here.”   
“You’re not.” The answer came quick. Blunt, sharp, and precise; It cut the atmosphere like a dagger, and added tension to the argument. Daichi relaxed his grip on Hibiki, and his words softened.   
“What… do you mean?”   
“I don’t believe you. I don’t believe you because I know what you look like when you’re happy.” It was almost accusatory. His posture, his glare- as if to say he should not dare lie to his face. “This isn’t it.”   
  
“Master, I-” There was that look in his eyes again right before he withdrew his hand and pulled back. Daichi was not lying. Not entirely. Life at the estate was complicated, but he did not hate it. The estate itself was not the appeal of working for the Kuze family line. The appeal was with Hibiki. Had they not grown up together, he would not have enjoyed living with him as much as he did. He would not have enjoyed working for him. Whatever he said seemed to have struck a nerve, because Hibiki was no longer willing to look him in the eye.   
“Forget it. I don’t want you touching me. I don’t want… whatever this is.” It was lonely. There was barely any sound between rooms. No noise from the TV, no static from the radio, no calls, no shouting- no life at all.   
“I-I don’t understand. What did I do?”   
“Nothing. Take the day off whenever. I’ll be in here if you need me for anything.”   
“M-Master, I-”   
“Just do as I say.” Hibiki pulled the covers up to his chest, and closed his eyes. No matter how much Daichi tried to reach out, there was no reason to converse anymore when Hibiki shut down all conversation. “Leave.” He could see his hands trembling; fingers curling around the sheets like claws.   
  
“I’m… sorry I brought it up.” It was so much easier to hide than to keep talking when talking required so much energy; energy that neither of them had to spare. He was left without the option to press on, and instead, took the tray in hand to get off the bed and bring it downstairs. Being a servant was his full time job now. Dedicating himself to Hibiki was his priority, and he could not do that if he chose not to listen to what he was telling him to do. 

For the sake of some normalcy to return to the household, he had to do everything as he was told, follow his duties to a T, and hopefully, that could bring Hibiki some calm in the long run. 


	2. Progress

On good days, he slipped into his morning suit and went about his duties without encountering Hibiki. Calling this a good day was a bit of an oxymoron. It was good to see that the chores got done on time and that he was fulfilling his role flawlessly, but it should not have been good to see that those duties got done because Hibiki was up in his bedroom all day.

On the days where Hibiki stepped outside of his room, Daichi did not know what to say even if he wanted to approach him. The air was too tense for a quick joke, and neither of them were in the mood to laugh. A person that once used to be his best friend was nothing more but a shell draped in expensive cloth. He did not talk if he could help it, he did not leave his room if he could help it, and he rarely asked for anything to be brought to him anymore. Try as Daichi may, the distance between them continued to grow, no matter how much he tried to mend it.

_ “Master, I was wondering if you wanted to go outside. That new action movie is showing today, and I got us tickets.”  _ They could have gone together.

_ “Master, I got this retro game for you at the store. It’s a little damaged, but it still works! I hope you like it.”  _ They could have played that game together.

_ “I made pralines from scratch. I hope you like them, Master.”  _ It just wasn’t working.

The conversation was shut down. Dismissed with either a “I didn’t ask for this.” or a “I don’t need this”. 

When Hibiki went a whole day without eating, Daichi knocked on his door to ask him what type of food he’d prefer served. There was never an answer, but Daichi still went to the market and bought fresh ingredients to make chicken stuffed with prosciutto and tzatziki to the side, only to leave it outside his door in case he changed his mind.

The men and women that came to the house were called in by Hibiki regularly every week. Daichi never asked them what they were doing, but he could only assume when he was told to bring up a plate of sweets and leave it at the door. The door helped conceal the view, but the cracks beneath it let the sound of giggles reach his ears. It never stopped him from delivering what was promised, and never distracted him from simply returning to his workload. It was not Hibiki’s laughs that echoed through the bedroom, so he was not interested in knowing what Hibiki was doing to them. It was not until much later that Hibiki felt like he needed to justify his actions.

“They only feed me sweets. Nothing more.”

“...Um,” Hearing Hibiki tell him that in passing while he was dusting was not an ideal way of starting conversation. It was especially straining after almost a whole week of insomnia. His body was starting to give in, but before he passed out in his bed, he wanted to finish his chores. Hibiki walked past him so he could open the fridge; probably searching for something sweet again.

“You looked like you wanted to know. So, there. Now you know.” Daichi did want to know, but not like this. Not when Hibiki sounded so passive agressive. The animosity was uncalled for, but he could not understand what he did to tick Hibiki off. Working diligently ever since the accident should have given Hibiki an easier time, but it proved to make little to no difference in the long run for his master.    
  
“Don’t you ask them to touch you?” Swift bluntness cut a little too deep. Hibiki’s heart was trying to heal itself, but in the process of healing, it managed to take its own victims.

“Yes.” Even so, he did not blame Hibiki for hiring people to take care of his needs.

“Are some of those touches sexual?” There was no shame in it, but he wanted some honesty for his own peace of mind.

“Yes.” Honesty that he never imagined could leave him so bitter.

“What do I know. I’ve never done it before. So, I obviously don’t know what I’m talking about.” He was not entirely sure why his chest ached and his arms felt like they were too heavy to carry, but he blamed it on the boxes he had to lift in the basement to organize the estate’s hunting equipment. Someone so lithe was not supposed to try and lift boxes that were twice his size, but if his father had to do it, he had to follow in his footsteps. There was a huge list of things that still needed to be completed; A massive list that he was chipping at day by day for about a year now. No matter how much he tried, the list continued to grow with new requests and demands, and the progress he made, although he tried his best, was miniscule. Hibiki slowly closed the fridge halfway before shutting it completely; eyes entirely fixed on Daichi’s figure.

“You’re a little loose lipped today. How long have you slept? You look pale.” A good domestic should not bark back, but he was so exhausted that he forgot the rules. Anything Hibiki said had to be done. If there was a wish left unfulfilled, then he was not doing his job properly, and if there was any request he performed that was unsatisfactory, he’d have to apologize and do it correctly next time to make up for it. Those types of mantras were hard to remember when he was barely keeping track of the conversation at hand. He was more invested in avoiding the kitchen lights; the lights that were supposed to be dimmed, but burned his eyes so unpleasantly that he had to keep them closed whenever he was not talking or trying to dust.

“Oh, um... sorry. I’ll stop.”

“That wasn’t the question.” Hibiki grabbed a nearby kettle from the counter and began filling it with water. For a brief moment, Daichi had absolutely no clue what Hibiki was doing.

“W-Wait, I can pour you-” It was his job. It was the only reason he was still at the estate. He grabbed a cup from the dry pile, and tried to help Hibiki set the water to boil. Things needed to be done, but it was not as if Hibiki was there to see it. Hibiki did not visit any other rooms, so he did not know of the areas Daichi had to maintain, the drawers and items that needed to be organized, or the list that was only growing in size, ready to send him into a panic attack if he failed to perform his duties on time.   


“I’ll do it myself.” What hurt more than anything was to hear Hibiki confirm that his presence was unneeded. He thought he had everything figured out all those months ago. He’d immerse himself in his work, finish taking care of the estate and all its major buggs before slowing down and working at a normal pace, but he did not count on new problems to arise during his work hours. Work continued to grow, and it never looked like he had the time to get to all of it because he prioritized Hibiki’s current requests; requests that could take up the entire day depending on what he wanted to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Requests that Daichi never asked about but always knew had something to do with the people Hibiki invited to his room. His body couldn’t take the stress any longer.  
  


“...Do you even need me at all anymore?” Why Hibiki simply did not ask him to make tea was a mystery. In his drowsy state of mind, he convinced himself that he must have done it wrong somehow, and that this was Hibiki’s way of saying he should stop bothering.

“...What?” He couldn’t be bothered to read into Hibiki’s tone of voice, or to open his eyes only to be greeted by bright lights that hurt more than he allowed to show. He didn’t want to complain, but the time and effort he put into all that he did was wasted.    
  
Utterly wasted.    
  
Hibiki had no clue of the effort he put into the estate, and from the looks of it, he was never going to find out. No, Hibiki was locked in his own little world, and Daichi had done nothing to remedy the sickness that plagued both of them. Instead, he continued to enable Hibiki, because it was all he was instructed to do- to please and serve.

“Maybe it’s better if I quit. Why do you need someone to take care of an entire house when you only occupy one room? You don’t eat, you don’t go outside, and if I have to be honest, at this point, I’m only a glorified janitor.” He couldn’t find a moment to pause and breathe. His chest ached so immensely that he pulled his hand over his suit to try and loosen the buttons around his neck. His arms hurt, and his fingers were stiff from polishing silver. The life of a servant did not seem right for him. Not when Hibiki was oblivious to his hard work, and probably never noticed it unless he spotted him with a mop in his hands. Their roles had changed far too much for comfort, and he was not sure how to turn it back anymore. It felt like it was too late to wish for a different life, but a life without Hibiki was not one he wanted to live.

“What? Where is this coming from?” From the two hours of sleep that accumulated over the course of around a week. The look Hibiki had on his face was too hard to read. He did not look irritated, but he did not look happy either. Daichi wanted to find a sure way to please him. Not a way to maintain the estate or continue to treat Hibiki’s newfound destructive habits as norm, but a way to genuinely make him smile like before the accident. It was such a distant memory, but he wanted to reach out for it no matter how unlikely it was for it to come true.

“You’re right. I’m just tired. Sorry…” He wasn’t sure of what was real and what was fiction anymore when all he could hear upon closing his eyes was the clank of a cup hitting the counter.

“Daichi are you okay?”

“Yeah, just give me a moment,” His fingers sought the counter, but eventually slid right off the edge. His knees gave in to his weight without any support to lean on.

“Daichi!” It should have hurt to hit the floor, but his body was in the process of shutting down, so all that followed the thud and the fall was a long, dark void of absolute nothingness.

 

It was disturbingly pleasant.

 

* * *

 

Drifting in and out.  
  


Feeling pain and light in uneven intervals, sound and touch in equally as fragmented moments. It was the only thing making him aware he was not dead. The colors surrounding them had faded so quickly, and the darkness that swallowed everything was stretching endlessly for what seemed like infinity. Hibiki’s voice, his touch, his worry; everything was cut off so abruptly after the dizziness kicked in. Whether he was sitting up or lying down didn’t become apparent until he managed to open his eyes for longer than a few seconds, and contrasts began to form through blurred vision.

A figure was sitting next to him, lit up by the bright light of a laptop screen, tapping away leisurely with no real drive. Daichi blinked slowly to clear his vision. His eyelids felt awfully sticky and heavy with every attempt to see a clearer. Moving his knee a little was enough to make Hibiki turn his head instantly and shut the laptop off. As the only light source in the room vanished, Daichi’s eyes had to get used to the newfound darkness that painted the room in all blues. 

“Hi,” He started, but he wasn’t sure what he was doing in, what appeared to be, Hibiki’s bedroom. “-how did I get here?” Hibiki put his hands on his shoulders to keep him lying down when he tried to get up.

“Low blood pressure.” If that was the answer, it would explain the fainting, but not how ill he was feeling, or how he moved location.

“I called an ambulance because I thought-” The misfortune of darkness was that he could not see Hibiki’s expression, but the faint waver in his voice told him enough to know Hibiki was worried for his health. “-nevermind. The paramedics said it wasn’t anything serious. When I called your doctor to check up on whether or not you were sick, they said something about anxiety and that it’s in your medical records? You never told me this.” It was a fairly recent update. A psychologist wanted to evaluate him to make sure he was fit for work when he came in claiming he was constantly fatigued, and while he was told he might have an obsession with his job, he was also prescribed some medicine that would help against his anxiety. He never took it because he did not feel the need. Any grievances could be worked out on his own terms, not by the use of some drug. He turned his head slightly to look around, and rubbed his cheek against the soft pillow beneath him.

“This is the longest time I’ve been in a room with you since…” Since they stopped acting like teenagers. It felt so long ago that it was practically an entirely different reality separate from theirs.

“You need to sleep.” Daichi turned his head to look up at Hibiki. All the lights were off, and the curtains were pulled over the windows, but he could still see his face. Even the Hibiki that never really combed his hair thoroughly, and that had dark circles under his eyes from insomnia, even that Hibiki, was still really pretty.  
  
“Here?”

“The doctor said I had to keep an eye on you. So, you’re sleeping in my room.” The paramedics were probably the ones to help carry him up the stairs. He saw no logical way for Hibiki to do it on his own. They could have easily put him downstairs in his own bedroom, but this felt much better. It must have been Hibiki’s choice to bring him upstairs in the first place.

“I’ll take my day off tomorrow.”

“You get days off when you’re sick. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’ve worked while I was sick before.”

“That stops now.” In his hazy state of mind, he felt Hibiki pull his fingers through his bangs, pushing them back to the front over his forehead instead of pulling them back. Had it not made him feel a little safer, he would have said he needed to look his best so he could get back to work, but it was clear that Hibiki was not going to allow him to get out of bed. The sheets shuffled, and he found himself leaning his forehead against the side of Hibiki’s thigh.

“You know why I want tomorrow off, Master.” He felt Hibiki shiver. It was an immediate reaction of disgust; a painful memory he did not want to confront this soon. So, Hibiki chose to do what he always did when life got too difficult. He chose to ignore it. He pulled himself away from Daichi, and rolled over to the other side of the bed to huddle up in his own blanket without as much as a word. If Daichi stretched out his arm, he’d be grabbing at air. The bed was so wide that even if Hibiki looked like he was lying right next to him, it was just enough to be out of reach.

“Will you come with me?” It barely lasted the tick of a second, but for a fleeting moment, he felt like the world was restored, and that he had his best friend back.

 

Then, morning came, and reminded him why dreams belonged to the dark of night.

 

* * *

 

Waking up in a different room did nothing to change his routine, save for wasting an extra minute and a half getting ready thanks to the detour he had to make to reach his own room. Morning suit at the ready, mainly because he forgot to put his casual clothes in the wash and there was nothing else to wear. It was almost impossible to tell he wore a uniform with his jacket on, so it was not utterly embarrassing to be seen dressed up as if he was catering at an important event. Daichi did not mind what people thought of him when they saw him in the suit, but he could do without all the staring. He was prepared to go to the cemetery when he heard the floorboards creak dully.

A small figure in a familiar white robe shyly watched him from upstairs, leaning over the railing ever-so slightly. Daichi never expected to lock eyes with Hibiki. To his knowledge, Hibiki was still asleep in his room, and was not going to get up for another hour. It left him enough time to deal with this without interfering with his schedule. He froze when he reached for the umbrella, and softly pulled it out of the closet before closing the door, all the while, keeping eye-contact with Hibiki. The heir of the estate looked no more important than any other person that walked into this house, but to Daichi, he was everything. He accepted the fact his life would belong to Hibiki long before their parents died. He’d never trade his profession for anything if it meant losing touch with Hibiki. Yet, Hibiki continued to scan him up and down, blue eyes fixated on the attire he chose to walk out in, and kept looking at him as if he was never coming back.

“You’re… actually going.” His hand brushed against the railing as he walked downstairs and met Daichi at the front door. There was a bounce in his step that made it look like Hibiki was walking on air, but his posture hinted no sign of acceptance. It was clear he did not want Daichi to go visit their parent’s graves, but they never got the chance because of how hectic, and yet stagnant, the estate was. In his own way, Daichi wished to complete what was long overdue, and say goodbye.

“Yeah.” He twirled the umbrella in his hands, and tapped the tip against the hard wooden floor. His eyes fixed on the umbrella before meeting Hibiki’s gaze again.

“...Your car has room for two.” The mention of a car seemed to push Hibiki further away. It was not like they could abandon all luxury just because of a few fears, but that did not stop the paranoia from setting in. Hibiki trusted him. He knew he did. The fear was centered around spending time in the car, rather than being in an accident. No matter the logic behind every word the therapists used, an unreasonable fear was not going to be overturned with anything but time and patience.

“If we’re going together, we’re walking.” The clinic did not have time for patience, but Daichi knew of someone who did. Someone who would stick by Hibiki and walk a hundred miles if it meant some peace of mind.

“You do know it’s ten kilometers back and forth, right?” Hibiki’s expression fell, and he looked saddened. Meanwhile, a smile tugged at the corner of Daichi’s lips, and he unfolded the umbrella to hold it over Hibiki’s form.  
  


“Works for me.”

 

* * *

 

The streets were crowded with people.    
  
Walking outside after so long was a sight in the morning sun. The streets of Shibuya were overthrown by a sea of colorful umbrellas to shield people from the rain. Daichi held his umbrella over Hibiki a little more than he held it over himself, but when Hibiki caught on to it, he grabbed the handle and jerked it forward to pull Daichi closer. It was not done with ill intentions, but in a way that told Daichi he should be looking out for the both of them, and not prioritize someone else’s safety before his own.

Hibiki continued to have his fingers wrapped somewhere around the bottom spring, while Daichi held it by the crook handle. Something Daichi used to do so casually was now something he had to consider carefully before he deemed it suitable to pull his other hand up over Hibiki’s to ease his grip. Poor blood circulation made Hibiki’s fingertips icy, while his own were warm in contrast. His eyes followed Hibiki’s wrist up to his shoulder and then to his face, only to find him staring at his feet with each step forward. For a man that did not go outside, he was completely uninterested in the view that was bathing Shibuya in a gorgeous morning glow. 

When they hit a red light at a crossroads, Daichi finally had some time to spare for Hibiki.

“Here.” He pulled the umbrella aside, but made sure they were still under enough cover from the rain. Thankfully, the winds were merciful, and the storm had become more of a drizzle. He pulled up two gloves from his pocket and held the umbrella pinched under his arm so he could slip the gloves over Hibiki’s fingers. He pulled them down to his wrists, and took a better grip of the umbrella when he was done.

“You should be okay now. It isn’t snowing yet, but your skin can still dry up and- oh, green light, let’s go.” He did not know whether Hibiki kept himself quiet because he had nothing to say, or because he did not want to disturb the soothing background noise that followed with their walk. Cars driving past them through puddles, rain gently gracing over hundreds of umbrellas, and the mumbling from passerby’s that were just minding their own business; it felt so peaceful. It was not quiet like the estate; not as luxurious or as fancy, but it was a welcomed change. 

The walk took far longer than a trip by car, but it made their best memory since the accident.

It took Daichi over twenty minutes of walking to realize that this was the first time they’d gone outside together since they were kids.  
  


* * *

  
“Alright, we’re… here.” There was no real excitement in his voice. As much as an accomplishment as it was to walk and not get lost on the way, he could not feel proud about it. Hibiki had enough time to consider turning back, but to get cold feet right before they entered the cemetery was out of character for him. Daichi only noticed it when he turned his head to look back, and found Hibiki staring down at the ground next to the open gate.

Daichi stood there for a moment, quietly observing the distance between them, before he took one step forward. Hibiki’s head was still lowered, but he was well aware of where he was standing. He just refused to look up. After a few careful steps, Daichi walked back to the entrance gate with a little more confidence. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but the prospect of posing a question he already knew the answer to was unappealing. Instead, he held the umbrella over Hibiki’s figure to shield him from the rain. 

It did not matter if they remained at the entrance for a while. They were here now. Even as his arm began to ache, he held the umbrella up without falter, all until Hibiki finally allowed himself to take one step closer and make it through the gate. After the first step came a second, and then a third, until he got rid of the distance between them and was side by side with Daichi again. Hibiki did not look at him, or rather, did not look like he had the strength, not until Daichi rested his hand on his shoulder to give him a small squeeze. He could not genuinely smile without the hurt, or look Hibiki in the eye without feeling guilty, so he settled for sliding his palm over Hibiki’s back to give him the final push he needed to start walking again.

They barely saw their parents even when they were alive. It was hard to believe that they were truly gone, but the view around them made it all sink in. Hibiki crossed over to Daichi’s side, but refused to go ahead without him. When Daichi slowed down, Hibiki slowed down with him, and when he paused to check the time on his phone, Hibiki paused, too. Like a puppy clinging to their owner, Daichi could feel that Hibiki was leaning on him in here. He might be standing on his own two feet, but if he was not here for support, Hibiki would never have set foot outside the estate. 

Past mouldy gravestones that had been there for centuries, and newly planted ones with only a few cracks, lied three completely unharmed stones that had been there for little over a year. Daichi observed the change in the weather, and folded the umbrella closed. It was Hibiki’s first time coming here, so he watched the graves curiously. There were three new stones, but there were four graves in total. When Hibiki leaned down to read the cursive letters, arms behind his back and his head cocked slightly, he noticed that it did not belong to any of his own family members.  
  
“Your mom is buried here, too?” Daichi shook the umbrella slightly to dry it off, and hammered the tip against the earth to further clear the droplets off the fabric.

“Yeah. Dad was buried next to her and your father.”

“I… don’t remember her.” He nodded to confirm that it was not that big of a surprise.   
  
“My mother died during childbirth. I never really got to know her, but my dad told me she worked for the Kuze household as a maid.”  
  
“...Sorry.”   
  
“It’s fine,” Daichi looked up at the sky, and felt small droplets of rain grace his face; droplets from leaves that were rendered dry by the breeze. “-maybe we should have bought flowers.”   
“I mean,” Hibiki disregarded his mumbling, and changed the topic. “-I’m sorry for what I said. I shouldn’t have… I was just upset.” Daichi did not have to think long, because when push came to shove, he was not the complete moron he thought himself to be. It was obvious that Hibiki never truly hated his father. He never believed it to be true even in his darkest days.   
“It happened recently, so…”   
“A year isn’t recent. I should be dealing with it better by now, but I… can’t. I don’t know why, but I can’t.”

Neither of them turned to look at each other; unable to tear their eyes off the inevitable truth in front of them. Something as simple as an accident could take away everything and force them to adapt to the world around them. Humans were good at adaptation. It was one of the few perks that came with frail bodies and squishy insides. Though, not everyone could adapt as quickly as certain people could, and the time it took before a change was made could very well kill them in the process. Hibiki wished he could have been in the car with them not to see this. Daichi wished he could keep better track of Hibiki to make sure his friend did not seek out death in the face of struggle.   
“...I haven’t helped you deal with it, exactly.”   
“You’re my servant. You’re not supposed to help me deal with this.”

Whether they embraced their titles or disposed of them was all the same in the grand scheme of things. When there was no one to uphold them or guide them in their decisions, they acted as they expected their parents wanted them to act, but the life they’d led up to this point had been utterly miserable. It was the tension in the air that made them lock eyes. Hibiki reached out for Daichi, but retracted his hand before he ever touched him.   
  
“I… I didn’t mean it like that, Daichi. I’m sorry.” Daichi knew his role in the Kuze family household painfully well. While he was aware Hibiki did not think like this, it only made their status obvious. Hibiki was of a higher class, and Daichi did not mind serving him. His only wish was to get to slip into the role of a servant more gracefully, and not by force. He wanted a little more time with his best friend before he left him behind to take care of the heir he was raised to take care of.   


“Yeah, don’t worry…”

“It’s just… Before all this, you never used to call me Master. You never used to act this way. Do you want me to start calling you Shijima now? Is this how it’s going to end? We’re just going to parrot our parent’s habits?” Hibiki’s father had referred to his father as Shijima, and never addressed him by his first name from what he was aware of, but it was the more respectful approach. Now that they had to take their roles, they could not be childish. It was not time to act selfishly just to live in a world that no longer existed. They could not halt progress for pleasure. Then again, what they thought to be progress, could very well be what helped keep them stagnant.    


“I can’t help it. My dad died. Who’s going to take care of the estate?” Who was going to take care of Hibiki, now that both their parents were dead? Who was going to tell Hibiki it was going to be okay? Was it fair to say his wounds would heal when the wounds left scars? When his father was alive, it seemed that he could make any issue go away at the drop of a hat. He wished he could be that support to Hibiki, but he had no clue how to do it. He never had the time to ask his father how he managed to calm everyone down during an emergency, or how he managed to keep Hibiki’s father in high spirits when he suffered a great loss in the family. He always assumed there would be time for that later.   
“You don’t have to be like your dad.” Daichi was aware that he was trying to fill a void both within himself and Hibiki that just could not be filled, but it did not stop him from trying.   
  


Nothing would stop him from trying.  
  


“I… have to be honest. I asked you to come here with me for a reason.” Hibiki parted his lips, but only spoke shortly after scanning Daichi’s posture.

“That is?” Daichi turned to face Hibiki, and let the tip of the umbrella rest against the soil, head low and shoulders slumped.

“I want you to tell me what you want me to do.” Hibiki misinterpreted his words. Daichi did not blame him. They spoke so rarely now that they could not read each other as well as they used to.

“Don’t you work for me? We can settle this at the estate.” No, it had to be done here so Hibiki could see it for himself. Daichi raised the umbrella only slightly to turn his head and point towards the graves.

“Tell me what to do… about all of this.”

“Daichi, they’re…” Hibiki finally brought himself to say it. “-dead. They’re dead. There’s nothing you can do.”

“I don’t take that for an answer.”

“What?”

“That I can’t do anything. I don’t take that for an answer.” If Hibiki did not know what he needed to feel better, then, Daichi was at a loss, because he tried everything he could to support Hibiki. He tried pleasing Hibiki by bringing him new games he thought he’d enjoy based on his preferences, but most of them remained sealed in their original packaging. He tried cooking his favorite foods, only for Hibiki to skip meals and never leave his room. He tried his hardest not to judge, but watching those random people go in and out of Hibiki’s room was the last straw. It hurt more than he could put into words, but it was not his place to speak. Not anymore.

“I can’t bring my dad back to serve you, and I can’t bring your parents back to comfort you. I don’t have the time to be with you anymore because there’s so much work that’s piled up over the years that needs to get done.” His heart was heavy, and he felt the weight of the burden his father left behind crushing his shoulders. It had to end. Hibiki did not have to suffer for another person’s negligence. 

“I don’t know how to solve this. I feel useless no matter how much work I get done, because you’re still unhappy. I was brought up to serve you, but ever since I got the chance, you’ve been completely miserable. Tell me what to do about it. I won’t hesitate this time. Whatever you think would help you move past this, please, just… tell me.” He did not care if he sounded desperate. As long as he could make Hibiki feel at ease again, he was willing to swallow his pride and look pathetic. His head was brimming with thoughts; more words that wanted to make it past his lips to express how sorry he was for letting Hibiki down. This tragedy was not supposed to cripple him. He was supposed to be the pillar of support, but if he had to be honest with himself, he was afraid. Afraid not to measure up to expectations, afraid he was going to find Hibiki dead one day because they barely even spoke a word to each other unless it was work related. Afraid he was going to be left alone with no purpose. In the midst of excruciating silence, winds whipping the leaves until they tore them asunder, was a voice that demanded something very simple from him. A demand that could be carried out by anyone, and that should have been so easy to fulfill.

“...Hug me.” Daichi expected a more elaborate request, and stared blankly before he furrowed his brows; confusion and bewilderment written plain on his face.

“...What?” He could see the irritation bubble up on Hibiki’s features.

“You said you wouldn’t hesitate.” He wanted to ask Hibiki to take him seriously, but he couldn’t accuse him of toying with his feelings when they were standing in the middle of a cemetery. Daichi did as he was told, and took a step forward to put his hand over Hibiki’s shoulder so he could pull him close to his chest. 

Hibiki barely took a step. Instead, he relaxed his muscles and leaned his body against Daichi’s to fall into his embrace. He wrapped his arms around his middle to hold him close in return, and buried his face in the thick fabric of his winter jacket. Feeling Hibiki’s hands at his back, nails digging into his jacket for closeness, helped him drop the umbrella to wrap his other arm around his waist. He moved his hand to the back of Hibiki’s neck, and held him tightly to make up for what he should have done a long time ago. 

Domestics should not mingle with the higher class. Domestics should not yearn or feel attachment as much as he did. Though, he could not help himself. Not when Hibiki requested it of him. Not when he really wanted to feel what it was like to have a friend to share his grief with again.

“Oh, and one more thing…” Hibiki mumbled. His voice wavered faintly, and Daichi pulled his hand up to run his fingers through messy black curls.   
“Anything.”   
“...Don’t call me ‘Master’.”

“Alright, Mister Kuze.” Hibiki punched his upper arm lazily, and Daichi snorted as he tried to hold back a chuckle.   
“It was a joke, Hibiki.” It had been a while since he said that name out loud. In his thoughts, he was always calling Hibiki by his first name.

“Maybe the accident didn’t take everything from me after all.” Coping with change was not easy, but going through such a drastic change in roles where even his closest friend began addressing him as ‘Master’ rather than by his first name did a number on him. If the shift had not been so sudden, perhaps he would have been open to the idea.

The expectations Daichi’s father set on him to keep the Kuze household running was only part of the issue. The expectations Hibiki’s parents placed on him to manage their business created an even bigger rift between what was norm and what was abnormal. Hibiki always knew he was going to take over someday, and Daichi knew he was going to eventually address Hibiki as his Master, rather than his friend, but neither of them thought it was going to be so soon. The contrast between past and present was clear as day, and the way they treated each other had become far too different to what it once used to be.

“I feel like I need my friend more than I need a butler. I think you need one too, more than you need to take on your dad’s responsibilities.” Daichi pulled back a little, and watched Hibiki turn his head up to look him in the eye.

“Um, where does that leave me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do I just… stop working? I can’t do that. You’ve never had to work around the house. You wouldn’t know where to start.”

“...Teach me.” Ever since Hibiki was five, his mother had informed him that Daichi was not his servant, but his friend. Naturally, it started this way, but Hibiki never once wanted to consider Daichi as his servant. The person he grew up with, although diligent and hard working, was not a person Hibiki wanted to hire to do everything around the estate. One person could not manage a home of that size. Even when the former heir was alive, the man had Daichi’s father call in more servants to split up and do several chores. Daichi never considered the idea, because he did not trust others to come into the house without stealing something of value. The only person the estate needed was him. That was what he had to tell himself, but the estate would be nothing without Hibiki.   


“W-Why would I teach you something like that? If you have someone that does the cooking and the cleaning, why-”   
“Because I need something to do besides lay in my room all day, sulking.” If Daichi’s father knew that the heir wanted to work next to him and do the dishes, he’d probably roll over in his grave.   
“I want to be helpful, Daichi. We need to work as a team so you don’t pass out again. What if I’m not there this time? What if it’s something more serious than low blood pressure next time?” Daichi’s job was to make sure Hibiki did not have to pummel through such work to dirty his hands; hands that were perfectly soft and smooth to the touch compared to his own. Daichi’s hands had blisters sometimes, cuts and splinters from carrying things around in the house. The skin would recover over time, but the surface of his fingers was rough compared to that of a non-working hand. He hoped it was not too off-putting when he had to put Hibiki’s gloves on. He never considered that it might have bothered him. The only thing that seemed to bother Hibiki was that they were not in sync with each other anymore.  
  
If their parents could see them now, they’d probably be riled up, if not also a little disappointed in them. Daichi made Hibiki walk ten kilometers in the rain when they had three perfectly functional cars in the garage, and Hibiki made Daichi overwork himself to the point he fainted from exhaustion. When their parents were alive, they could not recall a single instance where Hibiki’s father and Daichi’s father met up besides during work hours. Their relationship was strictly professional. They grew up together as well, but they had time to get accustomed to their roles. 

They had time to be friends and grow apart from each other’s interests, but still be invested in each other’s lives. Daichi could not have a relationship like that with Hibiki yet, if at all. He was not sure his feelings were allowed for a domestic. Looking at Hibiki now made him realize not even Hibiki was feeling the same way about their roles. They could not keep the same work schedules their parents had. Even if it meant a decrease in workflow, they’d have to slow down not to break their bond entirely. Daichi did not want to give up on Hibiki, and while his patience was ironclad, his body was not, and Hibiki could not stay locked up in his own room if he wanted Daichi to be a part of his life.   
  
Looking at those graves reminded them that their parents were not returning to fix their issues. Neither of them had an out, no matter how much they wanted it. They had to cope, and the first step was to abolish the idea that domestics should not interfere in personal affairs. They had each other for support. One year wasted feeling sorry for themselves was better than five or ten years wasted.   
  
“Do you want to go back home now?” Daichi rubbed Hibiki’s upper-arm soothingly. “I’ll make us some tea.” Hibiki’s response was automatic.   
“I don’t want t-” He almost failed to notice the fact Daichi was addressing both of them in the same sentence. A small smile tugged at the corner of Daichi’s lips, and he saw some color return to Hibiki’s cheeks.   
“...Yeah, actually. I think we should have tea.” Some normalcy returned to their lives. Seeing the heir smile after so many months was enough to know they were on the right path. Hibiki reached down for the umbrella to unfold it and hold it over Daichi’s head before Daichi had a chance to grab it himself.   
  
“Hibiki, it’s not raining.” Hibiki tilted the umbrella slightly, and took a peek beyond the bright red fabric to look up at the sky. Cloudy, pale skies stretched over the horizon and into the sunlight that was blocked off by a number of tall buildings. The trees and leaves were still and covered in dew, glistening from the glow of the morning light. He hummed in agreement, and pulled the umbrella down to fold it and rest it at his side.   
  
“Then I’ll protect you the next time it rains.”  
  
_ It was a promise. _


	3. Epilogue

The life they lived prior to the accident was luxurious but filled with expectations. Hibiki was taught advanced subjects from a young age so he could take over one day, and Daichi was brought up thinking he had to do everything to cater to someone’s needs.

Those few moments where they took solace in each other’s company acted as a way to vent and relieve tension. Without each other, they would have lost their minds with boredom once they finished their high school education. It was impossible to cut classes when they were homeschooled by the best teacher’s money could buy. They studied side by side, but Hibiki and Daichi took separate courses on certain subjects. Home Economics and Embroidery were classes Daichi had to be a straight A student in, while Maths and Physics were the subjects Hibiki was handed to master. 

Both struggled, and neither were allowed to help each other if they saw a way. It was their parent’s way of bringing about independence. As kids, they’d discuss the curriculum at night in Hibiki’s room, just to let their frustrations out so they could go back in the next day and do better. Compared to schools that had a day off on Sunday, Hibiki and Daichi studied every day, with only half a day off on Sundays.

It left them with very little free time, but all the free time they did have was spent in Hibiki’s bedroom. It was where all the fun activities were, but it was also forbidden for the heirs to enter the servant’s rooms. The rule was equal, in that servants were not allowed into the heir’s rooms either unless they were granted verbal or written permission first. It was why Daichi always knocked on the door or left food outside whenever Hibiki refused to answer. It was a tradition that was upheld by all butlers and heirs in their family line.

While their life was rough in some aspects, the fun parts were very fun. As long as they woke up on time for school activities to start, their parents did not care how long they stayed up past their bedtime, and when they finished studying altogether, it was almost like a reward for a job well done. Daichi recalled that everything began falling apart right around the time they finished their education.

“Night.” They stayed up gaming until odd hours, eyes watering from the bright lights in a pitch dark room. Hibiki’s bed was huge for his size, and wide enough for three or four people. It was why, instead of crawling out and fumbling back downstairs to his own room, Daichi mumbled “Can’t move. Tired.” and turned over on his side. The firm grasp he had on the controller loosened until it slid out of his hands and hit the floor. He made minimal effort to reach for it, but his arm inevitably folded around the fabric and dangled from the edge in a poor attempt to get the controller back. When it was clear he was not going to pull it back up, he closed his eyes and rolled over on his back.

“...Sleep here again.”

“What if we get caught?”

“I’ll just tell them it’s my fault.” Whenever they acted troublesome, Hibiki always stuck up for him and said he made Daichi tag along against his will. While usually on his best behavior, there were definitely times where Daichi should have been punished for misdemeanors. Hibiki, however, wanted to bail him out of trouble whenever he got the chance. The life of a servant was already so degrading in the public eye that he wanted to make Daichi’s life a little easier by freeing him from punishment. Daichi hummed softly and raised his hand to pat Hibiki’s shoulder, but accidentally nudged his cheek with the back of his fingers instead.

“Oh, sorry.” Hibiki didn’t look like he minded. With enough space for four people, one would think Hibiki wanted to lie down a little further away.

“...You’re going to work for me soon.” It was an abrupt change of topic, but Daichi chuckled at the implications.

“Don’t I already?”

“Will you be okay? Doing everything I ask you to do?”

“Again, don’t I already?” He smiled, but Hibiki remained cold to his humor. So, he cupped Hibiki’s cheek, and pulled his fingers over his skin until his thumb and index finger rested at his chin.

“Ask me anything. Right now. I’ll do it for you without hesitating, Master~” Hibiki rolled his eyes, but no amount of darkness could hide the stupid smile on his face.

“You’re excited about this?”

“My job is to make you happy. Hard not to be excited about that. It’s only like, the easiest job in the world.” He hummed and closed his eyes, inviting sleep to take him to morning lights. His grip softened a little, but when Hibiki moved his hand to keep Daichi in place, he opened his eyes again.

“Hibiki?”

“So you’ll do anything I say?” Hibiki wanted to test it out already, but Daichi was prepared for it. He’d already done his fair share of fetching and cleaning around the house, so a direct request would not be that big of a stretch.

“Go ahead.” Sure, he was tired, but his weariness did not outweigh his curiosity. What Hibiki asked of him however, was not something he thought he’d have to ask for.

“Hug me.” Without wasting a single second, Daichi pulled himself up and sat next to Hibiki so he could wrap his arms around him. It was hard to know if Hibiki leaned back because he was unprepared, or whether it was because the bed shifted slightly. Daichi squeezed him as tight as he possibly could with how tired he was, and pulled away before Hibiki really had a chance to return the gesture. There was a pleased smile on Daichi’s face. Even if he had not done anything extraordinary, it made Daichi happy to see his oh-so-confident heir look lost.

“Anything else?” Something told him Hibiki was not expecting him to actually do it, but seeing him follow orders like that helped the future heir of the estate pose one more bold request.

“Give me a kiss goodnight.” A kiss goodnight was to lean in and give Hibiki a peck on the cheek so he could fall asleep. There was barely a pause before he did as he was told, and he leaned in with a tender touch. As he pulled away, Hibiki’s palms found their place at his shoulders, softly squeezing him to keep him close. It was not possible for him to read Hibiki at the time, but thinking about it after the fact helped him become aware of why Hibiki paused before posing his next request.

  
“Now, just a kiss.” Hibiki’s eyes bore into his. Blue, unyielding, and absolutely serious. However, he looked away when Daichi’s smile seemed to fade. He appeared to regret his words, so Daichi gave him the time to take it back, but Hibiki never withdrew his request. He only looked down and tried to cover his face, as if what he had said was utterly shameful. Classes should not mix. It was only a recipe for trouble, yet there was a lot from this distant memory that blurred. Whether he was thinking straight or not, whether his feelings were going to validate his actions or not, was all so unclear. 

The only thing Daichi recalled was the feel of his skin, and the softness of his cheeks as he cupped Hibiki’s face again and leaned closer. The images were faint and enwrapped in a black void, but the heat around his lips and the scent of Hibiki was still a fresh memory. Their lips touched faintly, but it was enough for Hibiki to lean in closer and crave more from his request. He still felt guilty whenever he remembered what Hibiki’s voice did to him when he demanded something so upfront.

“Again,” Hibiki demanded it more freely after the first kiss. “Kiss me again.” But it was not something he was allowed to ask for. As a butler, Daichi needed to satisfy Hibiki’s essential needs. Food, clothing, material things; they were basic building blocks for a good servant, but something more intimate, like a kiss, could not be put in those categories. If they had a contract, much like their parents did, there would have been a rule about meddling in each other’s personal lives. As it stood now, they were not breaking any rules in the household by kissing. Though, when Daichi felt Hibiki lower him onto the mattress and crawl on top of him, all he could think was whether or not this could get his father fired somehow.

“W-Wait, what if they’re not okay with this? I’m not supposed to-”

“You’re going to be my servant, right? I could tell them you were just trying to make me happy.”

“I-I don’t think they’ll believe that.” But in the dark of night, with Hibiki’s warmth on top of him, and his breath over his lips, anything seemed possible. Hibiki could have said it just because he was tired, but the expression on his face told Daichi he was completely serious.

“If we stay up gaming all night, sleep together, hug, or even-” Hibiki’s lips sought his. Warm, secure, and light to the touch. It felt like a piece of heaven kept in secret; a piece essencial to make the estate feel like a home.

“-kiss. They wouldn’t be able to do anything if I told them I made you do it.” Daichi tried not to breathe in or breathe out. If the heat between them got stronger, kissing Hibiki was going to be irresistible. 

“Would you really lie to our parents?”

“Mmm… So, I’d be lying?” Thinking back, he wished he’d answered Hibiki. At the time, he did not think it mattered. In contrast to how desperately he wanted to know why kissing Hibiki made him feel both happy and guilty, forgetting to answer a question did not seem like a big deal.

Though, the fact he never answered it left a void that needed to be filled. A void that was inevitably going to be filled by someone else down the line because of his mistake.

Their first kiss set the foundation for their sleepovers. Their parents had to be somewhere every other night, be it a meeting or an important gathering, but every time they left the house, Hibiki pleaded to stay home. Once they were out, responsibilities fell on Daichi to keep Hibiki in good spirits, and Daichi did as Hibiki told him to do, down to every last touch. 

The way Hibiki pulled him in by his scarf so he could sit in his lap made Daichi shyly rest his palms at Hibiki’s cheeks every time. Not being allowed to associate with others of common blood unless filtered through a selective lense, not being able to walk out freely and make friends posed a number of problems for Hibiki, but those complaints were almost unheard of. Daichi was more vocal about how much he disliked being trapped. Even if it did not impact him as greatly, he still complained about how the estate was a different form of prison, and that their restricted freedoms, while it came with riches, robbed them of a normal life. It robbed them of what would otherwise have been a healthy high school experience. It also ruined their probability of finding partners if they ever saw the need, but it looked as if Hibiki’s mother and father had someone in mind for him. Daichi could not quite tell if it was the arranged marriage that left him with a bitter taste in his mouth, or the fact there was a possibility Hibiki would stop touching him just because of a girl that he never even met.

The sexual frustration was part of why Daichi allowed Hibiki’s hands to move up his body and under his shirt. It never went too far. It was only done out of curiosity. Careful, feather-like touches graced skin so rarely whenever they had a moment of privacy. The kisses on the other hand; the kisses that had been so light and innocent began to bear a more intense heat. He remembered feeling embarrassed by the thought of wanting Hibiki to say his name over and over again until there was no need for words anymore. Though, he could not say anything to push the subject. Not when he was just a servant. Unless Hibiki actively told him he wanted Daichi to pin him down against the mattress and have his way with him, there was nothing he could do.

He told himself to behave when he was getting too aroused; told himself to slow down because his needs were getting the better of him, but Hibiki never once turned him down when he decided to press their bodies together, and never once turned him down when he decided to kiss his neck. It should have been clear then, but it was so hard to see with the burst of events that happened as he was asking himself whether he wanted to be Hibiki’s servant, or whether he wanted to be something more.   
  


Their parents never came home that night.    
  


Hibiki and Daichi stayed up gaming much like they did the many other nights their parents were out, but when time came to check the clock on the wall, it was already four AM.

At five AM, they got a call; A call they could not hear from all the way upstairs, shrouded in blankets and the comfort of each other’s presence. 

If Daichi would have known that their entire world was scheduled to fall apart right around the crack of dawn, he never would have allowed himself to sleep. No, he’d stretch the moment for as long as he possibly could, because the year that followed was one he did not care to relive.

It became clear in that moment that what Hibiki needed the most was someone that could take care of him and support him through this hardship. Whether Hibiki desired something different was irrelevant. Hibiki needed someone that could take on all the duties of the estate; someone who knew the building like the back of his palm.

Hibiki needed a butler that could provide stability, and not a friend that was struggling to find the words between guilt and shame after finding out his father was the one that drove Hibiki’s parents and himself to their deaths.   
  


* * *

 

“What are you looking at?” Daichi turned his head, eyes now fixed on Hibiki.

“You.” Being cheeky with the heir was a habit he did not mind picking up again. Hibiki grinned, and playfully flicked Daichi’s forehead before slumping down right next to him. There was so much free space on the couch, yet Hibiki had to plant himself so close that they were practically glued to the hip. Not that Daichi minded the gesture. He loved the fact Hibiki seemed the most comfortable when he was sitting next to him. It was another thing he did not mind getting used to all over again. Hibiki leaned his head back until he bumped into Daichi’s arm, and looked at him as if he wanted a real answer. All Daichi had to do was point and stare.

“The ceiling is so low here.” Hibiki followed Daichi’s line of sight, and stared at the faded color of beige at the roof of their home. He scanned the little bumps in the paint, and rested his head at Daichi’s shoulder.

“Is that bad?” It was easy to spot worry in Hibiki’s voice; worry that they made a mistake somewhere down the line in their reasoning. Friends should have stuck together through harsh times, but if they were shifting roles to mimic their parents, private matters had to be dealt with in a different way. It was an escape route for Daichi to hide the blame he felt regarding the tragedy, even if he did nothing to cause it. Accepting the fact they were only referring to each other by titles was easier for Hibiki to swallow as well at the time. It meant that he was not allowed to push Daichi to do lewd things for him anymore, even if that was never the case. To put their grievances aside and just immerse themselves in their work was probably what their parents would have done had they been confronted with a similar circumstance.

“No, I’m just not used to it.” But it was not the life they wanted to live. Daichi turned to look at Hibiki, and saw that he was frowning at the ceiling.   
“It _ is  _ low.”   
  
For months, they were afraid to tell their parents of what was going on behind closed doors. Now, there was a sting whenever they remembered that they’d never get to tell them everything would be okay as long as they had each other.

That feeling soon came to pass, and over the course of a few years, they grew accustomed to their life together.

“I don’t know if this was a good idea, Daichi…”

Selling the estate, and keeping only a few memorabilia to bring to their own apartment seemed much more fitting as a life. It was a simple life, but it was a life they chose themselves.   
  
Daichi cupped Hibiki’s cheek and brought his gaze down. Hazel eyes greeted blue as if they were looking into each other for the very first time. They broke tradition with every kiss, but the Kuze lineage was not going to continue, so there was no need to worry about raising a new heir. On good days, Hibiki called it fate, on bad days, he felt guilt for abandoning his home and his responsibilities.

“Then, keep looking at me,”

Daichi made sure to reassure him that he had nothing to feel guilty about.

“-maybe that will help jog your memory.”

_ Every time.  _


End file.
